The Diet Game

 Dieting.  Yuck.  We have all played the Diet Game before, and most of us lose, even those who don't have PCOS. 

There are so many diets to choose from too.  South Beach.  HCG.  Atkins.  Mayo Clinic.  Jenny Craig.  Weight Watchers.  The Pyramid Diet.  Glycemic Index.  That is just a few off the top of my head!

So how do we process all this conflicting information?  As a society we generally ignore it and run to the store to grab a bag a chips, a pop and a brownie!  That probably isn't the answer, but I would bet a high percentage of people would admit that is what they have done!

What is the best diet?  That is going to depend.  Probably not the answer that anyone wants to hear.  But, I will tell you what has been successful for me. 

I generally follow what I would call a "good carbs that are high in fiber and low in sugar and good fat" diet, probably closest to the South Beach Diet but with my own modifications.  I do not cut all starches out of my diet.  When I have done that, I go crazy.  Yes, that probably means I am a carb addict (oh, there is another diet name, the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet), but I think that by denying yourself what you crave the most, you are more likely to end in a crash landing.

What are good carbs?  Good carbs include many vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts and whole grains.  What then are bad carbs?  Sugars, processed or "white" grains, most baked goods, alcohol and so on.  It really can be broken down to foods that are not processed very much to those that are highly processed.  Take "minute" rice for example.  In order get the rice to cook in a minute, it is highly processed and much of the fiber is removed.  Brown rice, on the other hand, will often take up to 45 minutes to cook as it takes that long to "soften" up the fiber.  I will get more specific on the high fiber and low sugar portion in a minute.

What about good fats?  This generally includes lean meats, vegetable oils and low fat dairy products.  Bad fats would include fatty meats (hamburger), high-fat dairy and some oils.  I also try to avoid a lot of sauces, unless they are vegetable or chicken broth based, because otherwise they tend to be extremely high in bad fats.

I really feel the critical part of how my successful eating is the high fiber items that are low in sugars.  That means a LOT of vegetables, legumes and low sugar fruits.  My goal is to eat 30-35g of fiber per day (do not attempt to get there overnight!).  I do try to avoid vegetables and fruit that are high in sugar content (corn, beets, bananas, pineapple and watermelon).  I firmly feel that lack of fiber in our every day diet is part of the reason so many people struggle with weight these days.

Maintaining the healthy eating is not easy.  Food preparation often takes more time (check out my previous post on commiting to myself: Why Can't I Commit to Myself?)  Eating out is harder.  Socially your conscious about every move you make regarding food (another previous post: Please Don't Judge Me Because I am Fat).  And, bad food just tastes better.  How can anyone make it work?

When it is working well for me, it is because my entire family is on board.  I just can't do it alone.  It makes it easier when the whole family sits down to dinner and eats the same food.  And, truthfully, the "diet" I have described is really a healthy eating plan for most average people.  It is also easier when you go out to dinner and your husband orders chicken breast, with vegetables and a salad, with the dressing on the side and an unsweetened iced tea rather than a huge burger with fries and a salad slathered in ranch dressing with a Coke. 

Eating healthy isn't an option for those with PCOS.  If we don't, the future implications are just too grim.  It IS hard to eat healthy.  I fall out of the boat, a lot, but I know the basics of nutrition and what works for me, so it is easy to get back in again.  The "Diet Game" doesn't work, to make real change is a must.  I am not sure I will ever get it, but I have to try!

I am NOT a doctor or dietician.  The above eating plan is based solely on my research.  Please consult a doctor or dietician before changing your eating or exercise plan!

Please Don't Judge Me Because I am Fat

Last night I participated in a Walk-A-Thon for our local school district.  I walked 7.25 miles.  I am the heaviest I have ever been, and I can still go out and walk 7.25 on a whim.  Two weeks ago I walked 7.5 miles in Bloomsday.  A month ago I did 3 miles in the local fun run. 

My point is, I am heavy, I am considered obese, yet, I can go out and walk such distances without it phasing me.  So what does this mean?  I firmly feel it means that my muscles are strong and my lungs are in decent shape, I just am carrying around an extra 60 lbs on this small frame.  I am not making excuses, my goal has been and will always be to stay in shape and try to trim off those extra pounds.  But I am living proof that one can be heavy and still be active.

I will admit, I used to be one of those people who would look at someone heavy and think "Boy, they need to lay off of the chips and burgers and get moving."  No longer.  I don't always eat perfectly, in fact this past weekend, I literally fell off the bus of any so called diet I was trying.  But, I am not sedentary.  I do not sit and shove food in my face and watch television.  And yet, I know people look at me and think "Boy, she needs to lay off of the chips and burgers and get moving." 

Through my struggles, I have realized a few things.  Fat doesn't always mean lazy.  Fat doesn't mean that people aren't trying.  Fat isn't always because people are shoveling food in their faces.  Fat can be a result of nasty diseases like PCOS.  Now I am the one who cowers when in public, thinking that all eyes are on me and disecting the food on my plate and judging my choices.

But, that doesn't mean I will give up.  I don't want to be fat.  I don't want to be obese.  I want to fit back into my size 7 jeans or even size 9.  But, even if I reach my goal, I will never judge anyone on their weight again.  Ever.  It was said perfectly by a young girl last evening at the Walk-A-Thon, "You are you, and that's just how you were made."  What an amazing insight. 

So, consider your weaknesses and realize that, "You are you, and that's just how you were made," and be proud of you.

Helping Others with PCOS

My doctor was able to diagnose me with PCOS without meeting me.  He was my mother's doctor and she expressed how frustrated I had gotten with weight gain and tiredness and no one being able to diagnose why.  He asked my mother a few simple questions.  They included:

When did I REALLY start struggling with weight? (Answer: 18)
Did I have a large chest? (Answer: YES!)
Did I struggle with acne and having abnormally hairy face? (Answer: YES!)
Was I cycling often? (Answer: NO)

She answered his questions and he responded with a "GET HER IN HERE NOW."  I really believe that by going to him at such a young age and being diagnosed immediately is part of the reason I have done better at coping with the disease than others.  Also, I was diagnosed at more of a "prime time" in my life, before I started really struggling with the elements that age also brings like natural weight gain and whatnot.  I have heard many people don't find out their condition until they try to conceive and can't, or those that don't ever try to conceive and don't find out until they are experiencing pre-diabetic problems, high blood pressure and other health concerns that go along with PCOS.

So, this has become a mission in my life.  I feel that those of us that suffer from PCOS should not be silent.  No one wants to discuss menstruation cycles, weight struggles, having a hairy face (hirsutism), and so forth.  I sure didn't.  I am a very private person.  I dread "the birds and the bees" discussion that I will be having with my daughter when the time is right.  But, here is the thing, I have to share my story.  I now realize that if I don't, I can't help anyone else that might not know they are struggling, learn to cope with the disease. 

I wasn't open about my PCOS until I found out one of my longtime friends was also fighting with it.  It breaks my heart because IF I had been open about my problems, she may have been able to be diagnosed 5 years earlier.  And for those of us with PCOS, knowledge of what is causing the problem is the key to finding a solution, or at least striving for a solution.  Am I going to go into a group of friends and family and say, "Hey, I have this thing that makes me not cycle, be fat, makes me hairy and you are going to listen to me!"?  No, I won't do that, but if I know someone who has similar symptoms and issues, I will tell them, "Ask your doctor about PCOS."  I would rather be wrong about my suspicions with another than not let someone know PCOS exists.  I have also notified some of my cousins about PCOS and that if they begin to exhibit the symptoms, to see a doctor.  I plan on talking to the rest of my cousins as well.

Secondly, for those of us that suffer from PCOS and aim to have children, or already do have children, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR NOW about a plan for your female children.  My daughter was 1 year-old when I first talked to my doctor about what her chances of fighting the same battle would be.  My sister (in the genetics field) and I figured out that because I suffer from PCOS and my mother-in-law LIKELY suffers from PCOS, that my daughter would roughly have an 87.5% chance of also suffering from PCOS (this statistic is NOT a result of any scientific study, just us taking the facts we knew and trying to come up with a logical result).  Now, I am praying she doesn't, but I am already trying to help her learn to make choices that might help her down the line.  She will go to a gynecologist when she first reaches her teenage years---not a fun thing for anyone that age, but it is something that is a must.  She will likely be put on some form of birth control as a teenager so that it "shuts" her ovaries off until she needs them for reproduction.  I also have taught her to make healthy eating decisions and enjoy exercise.  Most nights during the week, our family goes for walks together and we hike often in the summer.  So, while she may not have PCOS, I feel it is my responsibility to help her before it becomes an issue.

So, this blog is my way of trying to reach others.  My doctor feels that PCOS sufferers often "diagnose" up to 5 others with PCOS during their lifetime.  Let's make it known that we are not going to give up and are there for others who also might suffer!

Please note: I am not a medical doctor nor am I an expert on PCOS nor do I pretend to be.  Everything I write is from personal experience and based on my research.  Please contact your doctor before you change your diet or exercise intensity or falter from your treatment program.

My Story

My name is Christine Baldwin.  I recently turned the big 30 years old and decided it was time to share my story!  I was diagnosed with PCOS a little over 10 years ago.  It has always been hard for me to share my "problems" in public, especially personal health issues, but I decided that it is time for me to share my story.  I have had triumphs and I have had failures.  I have had good days and I have had days I just want to cry.  Living with PCOS is a challenge and literally has an influence on every decision I make.  I have learned to live with PCOS on MY terms, even though I have faltered many times including a current "relapse," I want to share how I have managed my own PCOS.  In doing so, I hope to help other sufferers learn that you are not alone and there are things you can do in your own life that will help you live with PCOS on your terms, not have to just live with PCOS.

I feel like I don't ever remember a time that I didn't struggle with weight as well as other "female" issues that always influenced my confidence and ability to be comfortable with my own body.  I was a "big" kid.  I wasn't fat, I wasn't unhealthy; I was tall and matured early.  I was extremely active; I rode my bike, I ran, I played outside, I wasn't a kid who often sat doing nothing.  But still, I always remember being "bigger" than my friends who weren't nearly as activie.  How could this be?  When I was 10, I began to notice the differences were becoming more apparent.  I developed a chest early and hit puberty at a much earlier age than my friends.  I also notice that I had more hair on my legs, my arms, and eventually my face.



Me on the left, THREE full years younger than my older sister on my right.  She was always small for her age, but with me being "big" for mine, we hardly look three years apart.



Again, me and my older sister, I am on the left and about 10 years old in this picture.  She is on the right and about 13 years old.

Move on to my teenage years.  I was never fat.  But, for a person who was as active as I was, I wasn't super skinny either.  I was in basketball, track, cross country, and volleyball through various years as well as continued to run and bike on my own.  I tore my ACL playing basketball when I was 14 & 15 and completed a full 20 months of physical therapy.  I was in great shape.  In the fall of 1996, I ran cross country for the first time.  I finished 22 at state out of about 100-125 participants.  I ran the mile and two mile in track that spring.  Again, I was in the best condition of my life.  The next fall, because we didn't have enough girls to warrant a cross country, and I began to play basketball again. 

Again, I am on the left and my sister is on the right.  I ran the mile and two mile during this track season, I was 15 and weight 130 punds.

During this entire time of my life, I still struggled with my weight.  How in the world was it possible?  Often times I would finish running 5-7 miles at track or cross country practice, or finish a 1 and 1/2 hour basketball practice, and then I would go home and ride my bike from 5-8 miles with my mother.  How could I still struggle with my weight?  I never drank pop.  I ate a lot of salads.  I chose water over any other beverage.  And still, I weighed 132-135 pounds at the height of 5'2".  That is at the "high" end of target weights for woman in that height range.  HOW?

My senior year was the telling point---something had to be wrong with me.  I continued to run.  I continued to bike.  I continued to play basketball.  And, I continued to struggle.  A week before my senior prom I tried on the dress I planned to wear (I had purchased on the clearance rack the year before!).  I remembering sitting there crying.  My chest had grown.  My hips had grown.  My weight had taken a 7 pound jump and I now weighed 142 pounds.  My mom was incredible.  She just smiled and said "Let's go shopping."  We got a new dress and disaster was averted.  To this day I remember that one of my life-long friends complimented me on my new dress and told me how tiny my waist was.  That one motivating comment has been with me ever since.  It came when I was feeling extremely self-conscious and made me feel much more comfortable in my own skin.  I don't think she'll ever know what that did for my self esteem at such a critical time in my life.

Turn the page to college.  UCK--FRESHMAN FIFTEEN!  I didn't fall to the vicious cycle!  I made a bet with my brother and I stuck with it.  I gained less than 5 pounds; it took all my heart and soul, but I did it!  I continued with the constant exercise.  I ate next to nothing.  And, I started feeling really, really tired by the next fall.  I was about 147 pounds, 5'2", 19 years old, and felt like I was fighting a losing battle.  I continued to work out.  I continued to eat next to nothing.  And, I started to get migraines, I started to cycle every few months instead of monthly, my acne acted up, I noticed more and more hair, my chest grew A LOT, I felt depressed and I began gaining weight at an astonishing rate.  I went to two physician's assistants, three general practioners, a neurologist, a dietician and was tested for every disease known to mankind. 

Finally, my mother was at her annual exam with the same doctor that had delivered me 20 years earlier.  She mentioned my symptoms and he said, "GET HER IN HERE NOW."  After all those other doctors, he was able to diagnose me without even seeing me in his office.  So, I made an appointment.  I was 20 years old and he told me I had PCOS or PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome.  He didn't hold anything back.  He told me what I had in store for my future: fertility issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, excessive hair, heart disease.  In short, it didn't look pretty.  BUT, he certainly didn't say that it wasn't possible to fight this nasty disease.

So, I went home and cried.  I cried and cried and cried.  At 20 years old, having spent my entire life being extremely active and in shape, I didn't like what I heard.  I got mad.  I got so mad that I pledged to myself it wouldn't rule my life.  And, I came up with a game plan.  I was going to get educated on the disease, I was going to work harder, and really watch my eating habits, which as I gained weight had started to slip little by little because it was kind of like "if I don't eat what I want, I am still going to gain weight, so who cares" attitude.  I was 20 years old, 165 lbs, and I had PCOS. 

Me on the left and my sister on the right, I was 22 in this picture, it was shortly before I got married.  I fought and fought to get my weight down to 165 from 170 for my wedding.  It included 1-2 hours of cardio/day.

I am in the center (the blonde) right after my wedding in 2003, I was 165 pounds at this point.

I am on the far right, this is just before I got pregnant in 2004.  I was at about 175 pounds in this picture.

The last 10 years have been full of ups and downs.  The biggest UP was that beyond all expectations, I got pregnant the first month my husband and I tried and were blessed with a healthy baby girl!!!  She is now 6 years old and our little miracle child and is the light of our lives.  The two biggest downers are that we haven't been able to have another child and that my PCOS has gotten somewhat out of control in the past 4.5 years from us trying to conceive.  I now weigh in at 200 pounds.  I don't like how I look or how I feel but just last night I was sitting there, ready to cry, I thought about the young lady who was told 10 years ago that she had PCOS and how she had more fight in her than anyone could imagine.  I need to get back a little of that mental toughness.  So, here I am.  I will live with PCOS on MY terms.  I am not going to let it control me.  And, through my trials and tribulations, I hope to help you learn to live with PCOS on YOUR terms.

Me and my daughter in Yellowstone last fall.  I still maintain a very active healthy lifestyle, my body just doesn't perform to my prior expectations!  My daughter keeps me going and keeps me energized!

Please note: I am not a medical doctor nor am I an expert on PCOS nor do I pretend to be.  Everything I write is from personal experience and based on my research.  Please contact your doctor before you change your diet or exercise intensity or falter from your treatment program.