Why Can't I Commit to Myself?

I feel my fight with PCOS comes down to one word. 

Commitment.

I have never been afraid of commitment.  I am able to commit to being a good mother, a good employee, a good spouse and to thousands of other responsibilities in my life.  Why is it so hard when it comes to committing to the time and energy to myself that I need to be healthy?  It doesn't make a lot of sense.  Don't I need to be healthy and in a good state of mind to commit to all those other things?  Even though it doesn't make sense, it really seems to be a huge issue with me.

When I speak of commitment as being the best way to fight PCOS, I mean that I must be committed to eating healthy, committed to exercising, committed to monitor the signs and warnings of problems and committed to finding the best combination of exercise, food and medicine.  Doesn't sound too hard, does it?  Fit all of that into a busy schedule and trust me, the commitment to myself is the first thing I throw out the door.  Why?  Because it is the easiest to get rid of; I can't just stop taking care of my daughter, or my job, or all those other responsibilities, but it is easy to stop budgeting time for healthy cooking and exercising and food journaling and so forth.

As a result, I have noticed a pattern in flair ups of my PCOS symptoms, I definitely go through times of ups and downs.  The pattern is obvious.  When I am committed to exercise and eating healthy, the symptoms disappear or at least aren't as obvious.  It is amazing how that works!  But, then as I begin to start cutting into my exercise time and healthy food preparation time and replace it with other items, my symptoms reappear.  Duh, you might think! It is obvious when I sit and look at it too.  However, I can always justify my decisions at the time I "un-commit."  The cycle keeps circling round and round and round. 

Why can't I commit for good? 

I think for me it is sometimes easier to make an excuse than it is for me to get out and do what I need to do to stay healthy. There is a lot of failure with PCOS, and I hate trying and failing.  I am not lazy, but I will admit, time management is hard for me.  And, I like sleep.  Actually, I LOVE sleep.  I would rather sleep than get up and run or prepare a healthy breakfast.  I like to put everyone else's needs in front of my own.  In my mind, it seems selfish to put mine in front of my daughter's and husband's.  I procrastinate.  All of these things lead to me failing to commit to myself.  So essentially it is a mind game that I just need to get over!

So, here's to committing anew.  Starting today I am going to commit again to my long term health.  Maybe the public commitment of my newly inspired self commitment will do the trick!  I wanted to say thanks for the feedback I have already gotten about this blog.  I definitely feel that I am feeling more inspired than ever.  So, here goes nothing!