A Good Doctor = Happy Patient

I have been blessed during my nearly 12 years of being treated for PCOS.  After going to 5-6 doctors/specialists, my mother told her doctor the troubles that I had been having.  He told her to get me in immediately.  This is the same doctor that delivered me (and my sister) so we had a good family history with him.  I went to him and immediately he diagnosed me with PCOS.  He prepared me for the struggles I would face and immediately began to work out a plan for conception, even though I was only 19.  Now, after 12 years, he is retiring so he can become a full-time grandfather.  Good for him, bad for me.

From the first time I went to him, treatment was easy.  He made it easy.  He wasn't always a tender doctor and I have never really recommended him to a lot of people because he could definitely be difficult at times.  I can't even think of how to describe him other than kind of arrogant, kind of cocky and kind of a pig.  I would call him a "typical" male---which isn't always good for a person in the role of a doctor. 

But, as a doctor, he was perfect for me and my family. 

There are two things that throughout the years made his practice stand out from the other experts I had seen.  First, he always recommended that I research my treatment before committing to it.  He encouraged patient research and though he didn't always agree 100% with my conclusions, he generally didn't belittle the knowledge I gained on my own.  Secondly, and most importantly, he did something that we rarely see in this age of patient in, patient out service.  He cared.  Even in retirement, I know he will still care.  How rare is that?  From talking to my friends and family, it is something much more rare than it should be in the health profession.  He cared so deeply that my struggles became his, my triumphs he shared with me and my disappointments were his as well.  I am going to miss him.

When I got the letter that he was retiring, I literally began to sob.  Twelve years.  How do I go to a new doctor and explain the entire history?  I have a lot of baggage from over the years. 

He made many, many important medical decisions in my treatment that have turned out to be so major that I just don't know how to trust anyone else the same way.  He made a call to schedule a C-section for my daughter two weeks before she was due because she was breech, she was large and my body isn't necessarily made to birth easily.  Thank God he did as we would have ended up in an emergency C-section anyway---she decided to do gymnastics in my belly and had the cord around her neck three times.  He just kept saying, "Delivering naturally is not worth losing a baby or you."  He was right. 

On and on my history has been with him.  He worked out a plan for me to conceive for the nearly 5 years before I was ready to try.  He made the call on the C-section.  He moved Heaven & Earth to see me when I had my first miscarriage and had to have a surgical procedure afterwards.  He took a phone call at home on Sunday morning, personally, when I had my second miscarriage.  How many doctors give you their home phone number and EXPECT you to use it?  Again, he got me right in after the second miscarriage too for that same surgical procedure---essentially by rearranging the entire operating room schedule.  When I left his office last week for the last time, he gave me a hug that was no different than I would have gotten from my own father.  He cared.  He cares. 

So, now what?  He is recommending I see his surgical partner, and actually assisted with my C-section, who may not be quite as well versed on PCOS, but will follow the plan we came up with together .  But, what do I do when I go see the new doctor---how can I fit 12 years into one appointment?  I haven't ever really switched doctors before.  I don't like to admit it much, but I am scared.  I know there are other doctors, other GOOD doctors, out there, but I was spoiled.  I don't want to be a number.  I want a doctor who cares.

  This isn't supposed to be a negative post---I am feeling better now than I did a few weeks ago.  I just wanted to share my experience with a good doctor---one who took my health personally---so that everyone out there who has struggled finding a good one knows that they do exist.  Does your doctor care about you this way?  If not, I suggest you keep looking---there will be one out there that fits with your needs.  I just hope I strike it rich twice...so here goes the next step down the road for PCOS.

Tackling Vacation Food (part 2): Visiting Relatives

In my previous post on Tackling Vacation Food (part 1), I discussed how it is important to regulate your food based on what type of vacation you are taking.  I broke vacation "types" into three different categories, family adventures (active vacations), visiting relatives (something we all do at some time in our life!) and destination vacations (cruises, Disneyland, you know, the fun ones!!!).  This post is going to discuss how to tackle healthy eating habits when visiting relatives.  Follow the link above if you haven't read "part 1" in the series!

Eating healthy at home is hard enough, throw in a vacation and "poof!" you have a disaster in the making.  Then add on the fact you are visiting family, it is a perfect storm!  Now, if the relatives you are visiting are heathly vegetable eaters that exercise daily, there might not be much of an issue.  However, I am not so lucky. 

I love my family, more than anything, but I have to paint a picture.  Have you seen the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"?  Well, that is what I face when I visit my family, the only difference is we're Eastern European!  My family can cook. Oh, how they can cook awesome food! And it just keeps coming and coming and coming and, well, you know...  Anyway, going to our family events is hard because everyone makes such incredible food and it isn't particularly healthy.  Over the years, I have come up with a few tactical moves that have helped...

Let's start at the beginning with the actual act of travelling.  If I am travelling by car, I use the same approach that I did in the previous post on tackling vacation food.  I plan ahead, pack healthy snacks, plan meals, etc.  Why this doesn't translate well into travelling by airplane, I don't know.  I do pack our carry-ons with a few healthy snacks, but it seems easier to just purchase snacks at the airport after security.  So the first challenge I face is AIRPORT food. There are so many choices, a person just doesn't know what to choose.  First tip---don't give in to the fast food (I am still trying to convince myself not too)!  If there is enough time, we will choose to sit down at a restaurant that serves real food instead.  If you don't have enough time, you can actually get decent salads and sandwiches at most deli stands at airports.  I also make sure we have a bottle or two of water so we don't fight dehydration (so important!).

Now when you get to your destination and settle into a family member's house, you have to remember to make your health a priority.  It shouldn't offend anyone if you stop at a grocery store to stock up on healthy foods.  If it does, my attitude is that it is their problem.  Really, I know it is hard with family, but you have to just not let it get to you.  I have learned that I have to look out for Number 1 or there is no way I can look out for anyone else.  Plus, in reality, if you are staying at a family member's house, helping with groceries for the trip isn't a bad idea anyway. 

My suggestion for a first line of combat is to pick up healthy breakfast items (low-fat milk, oats, high-fiber cereal, fruit) and also pick up the makings of an incredible salad (throw in a "I don't want to be a burden, I can make a salad for all the meals that will make your mouth water!") and I also pick up some bottled water (sometimes travelling and drinking the water can mess with your system).  So, when you leave the grocery you should have a good defense line built. 

I recommend eating a salad with every lunch and dinner on vacation---and eat it first.  It will fill your stomach so even if you eat food that is bad for you, you won't likely eat as much.  I also recommend trying to eat at a relative's house as much as possible instead of doing the restaurant thing because going out to eat is when it becomes easier and easier to loosen the strings of controlled eating.  If you do eat out, make sure you are looking for something that is not fried or does not have rich sauces on it.  Also, choose iced tea (unsweetened) instead of a soda.

So, that takes care of the regular days, but if your family is anything like mine, we always have huge family gatherings.  This is where I get into BIG trouble.  I suggest drinking some water before you eat.  Then, peruse all the options and you'll generally find that someone made a green salad or brought some fresh fruit or a veggie tray.  I suggest filling at least two-thirds of your plate with these items.  Then, go ahead and sample the good stuff; just sample in moderation.  Then, LET THE FOOD SETTLE.  Do not go back for seconds right away.  If you do, it will be a disaster.  Wait 15-20 minutes, then if there is something you REALLY want, get a moderate second serving.  Or, here is your chance to get a small dessert or sample a couple desserts.  Again, moderation is the key.  Eat it slowly.  Savor the taste.  You will find you get just as much satisfaction out of half of a brownie as you do a whole brownie if you eat it slower and take small bites.  Promise! :-)

I also really try to prepare my mind to make good choices.  It might sound stupid, but I will even do a run through it in my head.  I imagine Grandma coming up to me and saying, "Here, eat, eat, eat..."  Then I imagine myself looking at her and saying, "I promise I am not going to starve, Grandma, and I love your cooking.  I will eat when I am hungry."  I have a very strong willed grandmother and guess what?  It has worked!

As hard as it might seem, a little preparation and planning will allow you to get through your vacation without expanding your waistline! 

Here are a few more tips:
~Request to cook a meal and choose something that is healthy for you!
~Go for walks daily---it is a great time to visit with family too!
~Drink a lot of water---it will keep you hydrated and keep you eating less.
~Be active, go shopping, to an amusement park, to a zoo, something so you aren't just sitting!

Also read: Tackling Vacation Food (part 1): Family Adventures and still to come, Tackling Vacation Food (part 3): Destination Vacations!

Me with my strong willed Grandma Adams on a trip to visit her in Ohio!

The Diet Game

 Dieting.  Yuck.  We have all played the Diet Game before, and most of us lose, even those who don't have PCOS. 

There are so many diets to choose from too.  South Beach.  HCG.  Atkins.  Mayo Clinic.  Jenny Craig.  Weight Watchers.  The Pyramid Diet.  Glycemic Index.  That is just a few off the top of my head!

So how do we process all this conflicting information?  As a society we generally ignore it and run to the store to grab a bag a chips, a pop and a brownie!  That probably isn't the answer, but I would bet a high percentage of people would admit that is what they have done!

What is the best diet?  That is going to depend.  Probably not the answer that anyone wants to hear.  But, I will tell you what has been successful for me. 

I generally follow what I would call a "good carbs that are high in fiber and low in sugar and good fat" diet, probably closest to the South Beach Diet but with my own modifications.  I do not cut all starches out of my diet.  When I have done that, I go crazy.  Yes, that probably means I am a carb addict (oh, there is another diet name, the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet), but I think that by denying yourself what you crave the most, you are more likely to end in a crash landing.

What are good carbs?  Good carbs include many vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts and whole grains.  What then are bad carbs?  Sugars, processed or "white" grains, most baked goods, alcohol and so on.  It really can be broken down to foods that are not processed very much to those that are highly processed.  Take "minute" rice for example.  In order get the rice to cook in a minute, it is highly processed and much of the fiber is removed.  Brown rice, on the other hand, will often take up to 45 minutes to cook as it takes that long to "soften" up the fiber.  I will get more specific on the high fiber and low sugar portion in a minute.

What about good fats?  This generally includes lean meats, vegetable oils and low fat dairy products.  Bad fats would include fatty meats (hamburger), high-fat dairy and some oils.  I also try to avoid a lot of sauces, unless they are vegetable or chicken broth based, because otherwise they tend to be extremely high in bad fats.

I really feel the critical part of how my successful eating is the high fiber items that are low in sugars.  That means a LOT of vegetables, legumes and low sugar fruits.  My goal is to eat 30-35g of fiber per day (do not attempt to get there overnight!).  I do try to avoid vegetables and fruit that are high in sugar content (corn, beets, bananas, pineapple and watermelon).  I firmly feel that lack of fiber in our every day diet is part of the reason so many people struggle with weight these days.

Maintaining the healthy eating is not easy.  Food preparation often takes more time (check out my previous post on commiting to myself: Why Can't I Commit to Myself?)  Eating out is harder.  Socially your conscious about every move you make regarding food (another previous post: Please Don't Judge Me Because I am Fat).  And, bad food just tastes better.  How can anyone make it work?

When it is working well for me, it is because my entire family is on board.  I just can't do it alone.  It makes it easier when the whole family sits down to dinner and eats the same food.  And, truthfully, the "diet" I have described is really a healthy eating plan for most average people.  It is also easier when you go out to dinner and your husband orders chicken breast, with vegetables and a salad, with the dressing on the side and an unsweetened iced tea rather than a huge burger with fries and a salad slathered in ranch dressing with a Coke. 

Eating healthy isn't an option for those with PCOS.  If we don't, the future implications are just too grim.  It IS hard to eat healthy.  I fall out of the boat, a lot, but I know the basics of nutrition and what works for me, so it is easy to get back in again.  The "Diet Game" doesn't work, to make real change is a must.  I am not sure I will ever get it, but I have to try!

I am NOT a doctor or dietician.  The above eating plan is based solely on my research.  Please consult a doctor or dietician before changing your eating or exercise plan!

You're likely to hate me...and that is OKAY!

I have something that a lot of woman with PCOS dream of having and do not ever get.  I have a baby.  Yep, I have PCOS, am only 30 years old and I have a 6 year old daughter.  And, to add insult to injury, she was conceived the first month we tried.  I am blessed, truly blessed and I know this.  As I have begun to frequent the many PCOS blogs out there, my heart aches for those sufferers who have been trying for 5-10 years to no success.  Please hate me.  It is okay. 

But, I would also say, I, too, understand the struggle.  "Yeah, right?  How is that possible?  YOU have a baby," you say.  Well, I have been trying for a second child for 4.5 years now.  I have had multiple miscarriages and month after month of no success.  Is it the same way I would feel if I didn't have my daughter?  I don't know, because I do have my precious daughter. 

How did it happen?  Well, I was diagnosed young.  Immediately my doctor (a fertility specialist) began to treat me as if I was going to struggle to get pregnant---I wasn't even married yet.  He knew the earlier we treated, the easier that first child was going to be.  He immediately began treating me by "turning" off my reproductive system with birth control.  He also suggested I try a low dose of metformin to make sure my blood sugars were in check.  Plus, he recommended exercise and a diabetic diet.  So, I did all of these things for about 3 years.  And, it payed off.  Somehow this preparation actually worked.  We were blessed with a healthy 8 lb. 2 1/2 oz. baby girl.

Fast forward a year and a half---we were ready to try again.  I knew it wouldn't be as easy, but with our first success in mind, I thought it would happen fairly quickly.  I didn't have the time to spend exercising and completely focusing on "preparing" my body.  So began the montly disappointments.  Then, when our daughter was 2 1/2, it happened!  I can remember thinking, "PERFECT, 3 years apart is a great distance, we'll be done with diapers by the time I am 30," and so on.  So at 12 weeks gestation, even after hearing a perfect heartbeat, we lost the precious little babe.

It was a nightmare.  My heart still aches to remember this moment in our life.  Lucky for us, my sister, being a genetic counselor, and my doctor, being fairly progressive, ordered genetic testing to be done to determine what had happened.  Good news!  It wasn't related to hormone levels---the now beautiful angel had an extra copy of every chromosome (partial molar pregnancy).  There was a genetic reason---it wasn't MY fault.  So fast forward 3 months.  I was pregnant AGAIN!  Could it really be?  At 8 weeks gestation, we lost another baby. 

The nightmare began again.  Again, we had genetic testing done.  Good news again from a PCOS sufferers standpoint!  It wasn't related to my hormones.  The angel had an extra copy of Chromosome-22.  Again, there was a genetic reason---it wasn't MY fault.  And, this miscarriage was unrelated to the earlier miscarriage.  All pluses and positives for a fertility patient.

Well, now it has been another 3 1/2 years and still no pregnancy.  So, we're taking a break.  What was it about the first situation that made it so easy?  1) I prepared my body with medicine and exercise and diet.  2) My expectations were that I would get pregnant and I had a positive attitude.  It is time I go back to the basic principals.  I am re-preparing my body with the same avenues that I did before.  I am also really trying to concentrate on keeping a positive light about the PCOS and pregnancy.  Maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but it is worth a shot.

If I don't have another baby, it is okay, I have been blessed beyond all imagination.  And, too, I understand if you hate me because I have what so many PCOS suffferers don't have.  But, I also hope that I serve as a reminder that PCOS doesn't mean you are infertile (unless there is some other issue as well).  PCOS just means you have fertility issues.  I also serve as a reminder that sometimes dreams to come true.

My proof that miracles really do happen.  This is my miracle baby girl.

Helping Others with PCOS

My doctor was able to diagnose me with PCOS without meeting me.  He was my mother's doctor and she expressed how frustrated I had gotten with weight gain and tiredness and no one being able to diagnose why.  He asked my mother a few simple questions.  They included:

When did I REALLY start struggling with weight? (Answer: 18)
Did I have a large chest? (Answer: YES!)
Did I struggle with acne and having abnormally hairy face? (Answer: YES!)
Was I cycling often? (Answer: NO)

She answered his questions and he responded with a "GET HER IN HERE NOW."  I really believe that by going to him at such a young age and being diagnosed immediately is part of the reason I have done better at coping with the disease than others.  Also, I was diagnosed at more of a "prime time" in my life, before I started really struggling with the elements that age also brings like natural weight gain and whatnot.  I have heard many people don't find out their condition until they try to conceive and can't, or those that don't ever try to conceive and don't find out until they are experiencing pre-diabetic problems, high blood pressure and other health concerns that go along with PCOS.

So, this has become a mission in my life.  I feel that those of us that suffer from PCOS should not be silent.  No one wants to discuss menstruation cycles, weight struggles, having a hairy face (hirsutism), and so forth.  I sure didn't.  I am a very private person.  I dread "the birds and the bees" discussion that I will be having with my daughter when the time is right.  But, here is the thing, I have to share my story.  I now realize that if I don't, I can't help anyone else that might not know they are struggling, learn to cope with the disease. 

I wasn't open about my PCOS until I found out one of my longtime friends was also fighting with it.  It breaks my heart because IF I had been open about my problems, she may have been able to be diagnosed 5 years earlier.  And for those of us with PCOS, knowledge of what is causing the problem is the key to finding a solution, or at least striving for a solution.  Am I going to go into a group of friends and family and say, "Hey, I have this thing that makes me not cycle, be fat, makes me hairy and you are going to listen to me!"?  No, I won't do that, but if I know someone who has similar symptoms and issues, I will tell them, "Ask your doctor about PCOS."  I would rather be wrong about my suspicions with another than not let someone know PCOS exists.  I have also notified some of my cousins about PCOS and that if they begin to exhibit the symptoms, to see a doctor.  I plan on talking to the rest of my cousins as well.

Secondly, for those of us that suffer from PCOS and aim to have children, or already do have children, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR NOW about a plan for your female children.  My daughter was 1 year-old when I first talked to my doctor about what her chances of fighting the same battle would be.  My sister (in the genetics field) and I figured out that because I suffer from PCOS and my mother-in-law LIKELY suffers from PCOS, that my daughter would roughly have an 87.5% chance of also suffering from PCOS (this statistic is NOT a result of any scientific study, just us taking the facts we knew and trying to come up with a logical result).  Now, I am praying she doesn't, but I am already trying to help her learn to make choices that might help her down the line.  She will go to a gynecologist when she first reaches her teenage years---not a fun thing for anyone that age, but it is something that is a must.  She will likely be put on some form of birth control as a teenager so that it "shuts" her ovaries off until she needs them for reproduction.  I also have taught her to make healthy eating decisions and enjoy exercise.  Most nights during the week, our family goes for walks together and we hike often in the summer.  So, while she may not have PCOS, I feel it is my responsibility to help her before it becomes an issue.

So, this blog is my way of trying to reach others.  My doctor feels that PCOS sufferers often "diagnose" up to 5 others with PCOS during their lifetime.  Let's make it known that we are not going to give up and are there for others who also might suffer!

Please note: I am not a medical doctor nor am I an expert on PCOS nor do I pretend to be.  Everything I write is from personal experience and based on my research.  Please contact your doctor before you change your diet or exercise intensity or falter from your treatment program.

Positivity: Connections Matter

In my post yesterday about my basic philosophy, I listed being positive as being a basic part of my success with my battle against PCOS. I really my positive attitude has helped me find success. My doctor has often said that he feels I am upbeat about my condition and that it really helps me "conquer." The last doctor's appointment I had, he said that he could see my positivity slipping and so I really took note of that and concentrated on the postives in my life.

As I reflected, I realized that being positive often stems from the people who are my "rocks" and stand with me through everything. My friends and family are absolutely incredible. I have so many unique relationships that really provide me with the stability I need to make it through.

I suggest that everyone sit down and reflect on who the people are that help them get through. Knowing you have an emotional foundation to fall back on when you are struggling is important. Who are your "rocks?"

These are mine:
~My daughter, Elaina, is probably the number one "rock" for me. She provides me with inspiration that cannot be expressed in words. I want to be there for her, so I have to make my health a priority.

~My husband and best friend, Ron, is also incredible. He has stuck with me through the mood swings, the ups and downs, the pressures of fertility issues, the weight gain and it all. I really feel it is as hard on him as it is on me.

This is my husband, Ron, my daughter, Elaina and me on one of our many adventures.

~My mother is always there to tell me, "Remember, it could be worse, you are alive and have so much going for you." It helps to remember that it can ALWAYS be worse, even in our darkest hour.

~My sister and my OTHER best friend, Annie, is and will always be there for me. She is there to tell me that even though it can be worse, that it just plain nasty for anyone to deal with. She is also my medical link---she is a genetic counselor and will often times send me medical papers and information with the latest updates on PCOS. It can be very helpful. From left to right is my mother, Carol, Elaina, me and my sister, Annie hiking at the Grand Canyon.

~My doctor really helps me stay down to earth. I don't always like him, he can be pretty arrogant, but at the end of the day, my best interest is what he is aiming for, even when he has to tell me things I don't want to hear. He also made a couple of critical calls in my pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby for us, so he will always be important to me and my family!

~My wonderful friend, Kristi, who also suffers from PCOS is the ear I can bend whenever I am in need. She understands 100%. Having someone who knows my experiences is more valuable than I could ever imagine. She is always there to throw ideas off of or talk about her own experiences or listen to mine. I really feel she has helped with my coping with PCOS more than anyone else. This is me with Kristi (on the right) at my wedding! I stole this picture from her!
Read her blog: http://myjourneythroughhormonalhell.blogspot.com/

~My mother-in-law, Colleen, also likely suffered from PCOS. She dealt with fertility issues and has been a great inspiration as she has lost over 100 lbs and kept it off. Colleen and Elaina at a lake in Montana. She looks great!

So, the next time you are struggling to remain positive, just write a quick list of the people in your life that are there for you and how they can help you succeed!

My Story

My name is Christine Baldwin.  I recently turned the big 30 years old and decided it was time to share my story!  I was diagnosed with PCOS a little over 10 years ago.  It has always been hard for me to share my "problems" in public, especially personal health issues, but I decided that it is time for me to share my story.  I have had triumphs and I have had failures.  I have had good days and I have had days I just want to cry.  Living with PCOS is a challenge and literally has an influence on every decision I make.  I have learned to live with PCOS on MY terms, even though I have faltered many times including a current "relapse," I want to share how I have managed my own PCOS.  In doing so, I hope to help other sufferers learn that you are not alone and there are things you can do in your own life that will help you live with PCOS on your terms, not have to just live with PCOS.

I feel like I don't ever remember a time that I didn't struggle with weight as well as other "female" issues that always influenced my confidence and ability to be comfortable with my own body.  I was a "big" kid.  I wasn't fat, I wasn't unhealthy; I was tall and matured early.  I was extremely active; I rode my bike, I ran, I played outside, I wasn't a kid who often sat doing nothing.  But still, I always remember being "bigger" than my friends who weren't nearly as activie.  How could this be?  When I was 10, I began to notice the differences were becoming more apparent.  I developed a chest early and hit puberty at a much earlier age than my friends.  I also notice that I had more hair on my legs, my arms, and eventually my face.



Me on the left, THREE full years younger than my older sister on my right.  She was always small for her age, but with me being "big" for mine, we hardly look three years apart.



Again, me and my older sister, I am on the left and about 10 years old in this picture.  She is on the right and about 13 years old.

Move on to my teenage years.  I was never fat.  But, for a person who was as active as I was, I wasn't super skinny either.  I was in basketball, track, cross country, and volleyball through various years as well as continued to run and bike on my own.  I tore my ACL playing basketball when I was 14 & 15 and completed a full 20 months of physical therapy.  I was in great shape.  In the fall of 1996, I ran cross country for the first time.  I finished 22 at state out of about 100-125 participants.  I ran the mile and two mile in track that spring.  Again, I was in the best condition of my life.  The next fall, because we didn't have enough girls to warrant a cross country, and I began to play basketball again. 

Again, I am on the left and my sister is on the right.  I ran the mile and two mile during this track season, I was 15 and weight 130 punds.

During this entire time of my life, I still struggled with my weight.  How in the world was it possible?  Often times I would finish running 5-7 miles at track or cross country practice, or finish a 1 and 1/2 hour basketball practice, and then I would go home and ride my bike from 5-8 miles with my mother.  How could I still struggle with my weight?  I never drank pop.  I ate a lot of salads.  I chose water over any other beverage.  And still, I weighed 132-135 pounds at the height of 5'2".  That is at the "high" end of target weights for woman in that height range.  HOW?

My senior year was the telling point---something had to be wrong with me.  I continued to run.  I continued to bike.  I continued to play basketball.  And, I continued to struggle.  A week before my senior prom I tried on the dress I planned to wear (I had purchased on the clearance rack the year before!).  I remembering sitting there crying.  My chest had grown.  My hips had grown.  My weight had taken a 7 pound jump and I now weighed 142 pounds.  My mom was incredible.  She just smiled and said "Let's go shopping."  We got a new dress and disaster was averted.  To this day I remember that one of my life-long friends complimented me on my new dress and told me how tiny my waist was.  That one motivating comment has been with me ever since.  It came when I was feeling extremely self-conscious and made me feel much more comfortable in my own skin.  I don't think she'll ever know what that did for my self esteem at such a critical time in my life.

Turn the page to college.  UCK--FRESHMAN FIFTEEN!  I didn't fall to the vicious cycle!  I made a bet with my brother and I stuck with it.  I gained less than 5 pounds; it took all my heart and soul, but I did it!  I continued with the constant exercise.  I ate next to nothing.  And, I started feeling really, really tired by the next fall.  I was about 147 pounds, 5'2", 19 years old, and felt like I was fighting a losing battle.  I continued to work out.  I continued to eat next to nothing.  And, I started to get migraines, I started to cycle every few months instead of monthly, my acne acted up, I noticed more and more hair, my chest grew A LOT, I felt depressed and I began gaining weight at an astonishing rate.  I went to two physician's assistants, three general practioners, a neurologist, a dietician and was tested for every disease known to mankind. 

Finally, my mother was at her annual exam with the same doctor that had delivered me 20 years earlier.  She mentioned my symptoms and he said, "GET HER IN HERE NOW."  After all those other doctors, he was able to diagnose me without even seeing me in his office.  So, I made an appointment.  I was 20 years old and he told me I had PCOS or PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome.  He didn't hold anything back.  He told me what I had in store for my future: fertility issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, excessive hair, heart disease.  In short, it didn't look pretty.  BUT, he certainly didn't say that it wasn't possible to fight this nasty disease.

So, I went home and cried.  I cried and cried and cried.  At 20 years old, having spent my entire life being extremely active and in shape, I didn't like what I heard.  I got mad.  I got so mad that I pledged to myself it wouldn't rule my life.  And, I came up with a game plan.  I was going to get educated on the disease, I was going to work harder, and really watch my eating habits, which as I gained weight had started to slip little by little because it was kind of like "if I don't eat what I want, I am still going to gain weight, so who cares" attitude.  I was 20 years old, 165 lbs, and I had PCOS. 

Me on the left and my sister on the right, I was 22 in this picture, it was shortly before I got married.  I fought and fought to get my weight down to 165 from 170 for my wedding.  It included 1-2 hours of cardio/day.

I am in the center (the blonde) right after my wedding in 2003, I was 165 pounds at this point.

I am on the far right, this is just before I got pregnant in 2004.  I was at about 175 pounds in this picture.

The last 10 years have been full of ups and downs.  The biggest UP was that beyond all expectations, I got pregnant the first month my husband and I tried and were blessed with a healthy baby girl!!!  She is now 6 years old and our little miracle child and is the light of our lives.  The two biggest downers are that we haven't been able to have another child and that my PCOS has gotten somewhat out of control in the past 4.5 years from us trying to conceive.  I now weigh in at 200 pounds.  I don't like how I look or how I feel but just last night I was sitting there, ready to cry, I thought about the young lady who was told 10 years ago that she had PCOS and how she had more fight in her than anyone could imagine.  I need to get back a little of that mental toughness.  So, here I am.  I will live with PCOS on MY terms.  I am not going to let it control me.  And, through my trials and tribulations, I hope to help you learn to live with PCOS on YOUR terms.

Me and my daughter in Yellowstone last fall.  I still maintain a very active healthy lifestyle, my body just doesn't perform to my prior expectations!  My daughter keeps me going and keeps me energized!

Please note: I am not a medical doctor nor am I an expert on PCOS nor do I pretend to be.  Everything I write is from personal experience and based on my research.  Please contact your doctor before you change your diet or exercise intensity or falter from your treatment program.