But, I would also say, I, too, understand the struggle. "Yeah, right? How is that possible? YOU have a baby," you say. Well, I have been trying for a second child for 4.5 years now. I have had multiple miscarriages and month after month of no success. Is it the same way I would feel if I didn't have my daughter? I don't know, because I do have my precious daughter.
How did it happen? Well, I was diagnosed young. Immediately my doctor (a fertility specialist) began to treat me as if I was going to struggle to get pregnant---I wasn't even married yet. He knew the earlier we treated, the easier that first child was going to be. He immediately began treating me by "turning" off my reproductive system with birth control. He also suggested I try a low dose of metformin to make sure my blood sugars were in check. Plus, he recommended exercise and a diabetic diet. So, I did all of these things for about 3 years. And, it payed off. Somehow this preparation actually worked. We were blessed with a healthy 8 lb. 2 1/2 oz. baby girl.
Fast forward a year and a half---we were ready to try again. I knew it wouldn't be as easy, but with our first success in mind, I thought it would happen fairly quickly. I didn't have the time to spend exercising and completely focusing on "preparing" my body. So began the montly disappointments. Then, when our daughter was 2 1/2, it happened! I can remember thinking, "PERFECT, 3 years apart is a great distance, we'll be done with diapers by the time I am 30," and so on. So at 12 weeks gestation, even after hearing a perfect heartbeat, we lost the precious little babe.
It was a nightmare. My heart still aches to remember this moment in our life. Lucky for us, my sister, being a genetic counselor, and my doctor, being fairly progressive, ordered genetic testing to be done to determine what had happened. Good news! It wasn't related to hormone levels---the now beautiful angel had an extra copy of every chromosome (partial molar pregnancy). There was a genetic reason---it wasn't MY fault. So fast forward 3 months. I was pregnant AGAIN! Could it really be? At 8 weeks gestation, we lost another baby.
The nightmare began again. Again, we had genetic testing done. Good news again from a PCOS sufferers standpoint! It wasn't related to my hormones. The angel had an extra copy of Chromosome-22. Again, there was a genetic reason---it wasn't MY fault. And, this miscarriage was unrelated to the earlier miscarriage. All pluses and positives for a fertility patient.
Well, now it has been another 3 1/2 years and still no pregnancy. So, we're taking a break. What was it about the first situation that made it so easy? 1) I prepared my body with medicine and exercise and diet. 2) My expectations were that I would get pregnant and I had a positive attitude. It is time I go back to the basic principals. I am re-preparing my body with the same avenues that I did before. I am also really trying to concentrate on keeping a positive light about the PCOS and pregnancy. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but it is worth a shot.
If I don't have another baby, it is okay, I have been blessed beyond all imagination. And, too, I understand if you hate me because I have what so many PCOS suffferers don't have. But, I also hope that I serve as a reminder that PCOS doesn't mean you are infertile (unless there is some other issue as well). PCOS just means you have fertility issues. I also serve as a reminder that sometimes dreams to come true.
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| My proof that miracles really do happen. This is my miracle baby girl. |
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