I feel like I don't ever remember a time that I didn't struggle with weight as well as other "female" issues that always influenced my confidence and ability to be comfortable with my own body. I was a "big" kid. I wasn't fat, I wasn't unhealthy; I was tall and matured early. I was extremely active; I rode my bike, I ran, I played outside, I wasn't a kid who often sat doing nothing. But still, I always remember being "bigger" than my friends who weren't nearly as activie. How could this be? When I was 10, I began to notice the differences were becoming more apparent. I developed a chest early and hit puberty at a much earlier age than my friends. I also notice that I had more hair on my legs, my arms, and eventually my face.
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| Me on the left, THREE full years younger than my older sister on my right. She was always small for her age, but with me being "big" for mine, we hardly look three years apart. |
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| Again, me and my older sister, I am on the left and about 10 years old in this picture. She is on the right and about 13 years old. |
Move on to my teenage years. I was never fat. But, for a person who was as active as I was, I wasn't super skinny either. I was in basketball, track, cross country, and volleyball through various years as well as continued to run and bike on my own. I tore my ACL playing basketball when I was 14 & 15 and completed a full 20 months of physical therapy. I was in great shape. In the fall of 1996, I ran cross country for the first time. I finished 22 at state out of about 100-125 participants. I ran the mile and two mile in track that spring. Again, I was in the best condition of my life. The next fall, because we didn't have enough girls to warrant a cross country, and I began to play basketball again.
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| Again, I am on the left and my sister is on the right. I ran the mile and two mile during this track season, I was 15 and weight 130 punds. |
During this entire time of my life, I still struggled with my weight. How in the world was it possible? Often times I would finish running 5-7 miles at track or cross country practice, or finish a 1 and 1/2 hour basketball practice, and then I would go home and ride my bike from 5-8 miles with my mother. How could I still struggle with my weight? I never drank pop. I ate a lot of salads. I chose water over any other beverage. And still, I weighed 132-135 pounds at the height of 5'2". That is at the "high" end of target weights for woman in that height range. HOW?
My senior year was the telling point---something had to be wrong with me. I continued to run. I continued to bike. I continued to play basketball. And, I continued to struggle. A week before my senior prom I tried on the dress I planned to wear (I had purchased on the clearance rack the year before!). I remembering sitting there crying. My chest had grown. My hips had grown. My weight had taken a 7 pound jump and I now weighed 142 pounds. My mom was incredible. She just smiled and said "Let's go shopping." We got a new dress and disaster was averted. To this day I remember that one of my life-long friends complimented me on my new dress and told me how tiny my waist was. That one motivating comment has been with me ever since. It came when I was feeling extremely self-conscious and made me feel much more comfortable in my own skin. I don't think she'll ever know what that did for my self esteem at such a critical time in my life.
Turn the page to college. UCK--FRESHMAN FIFTEEN! I didn't fall to the vicious cycle! I made a bet with my brother and I stuck with it. I gained less than 5 pounds; it took all my heart and soul, but I did it! I continued with the constant exercise. I ate next to nothing. And, I started feeling really, really tired by the next fall. I was about 147 pounds, 5'2", 19 years old, and felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I continued to work out. I continued to eat next to nothing. And, I started to get migraines, I started to cycle every few months instead of monthly, my acne acted up, I noticed more and more hair, my chest grew A LOT, I felt depressed and I began gaining weight at an astonishing rate. I went to two physician's assistants, three general practioners, a neurologist, a dietician and was tested for every disease known to mankind.
Finally, my mother was at her annual exam with the same doctor that had delivered me 20 years earlier. She mentioned my symptoms and he said, "GET HER IN HERE NOW." After all those other doctors, he was able to diagnose me without even seeing me in his office. So, I made an appointment. I was 20 years old and he told me I had PCOS or PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome. He didn't hold anything back. He told me what I had in store for my future: fertility issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity, excessive hair, heart disease. In short, it didn't look pretty. BUT, he certainly didn't say that it wasn't possible to fight this nasty disease.
So, I went home and cried. I cried and cried and cried. At 20 years old, having spent my entire life being extremely active and in shape, I didn't like what I heard. I got mad. I got so mad that I pledged to myself it wouldn't rule my life. And, I came up with a game plan. I was going to get educated on the disease, I was going to work harder, and really watch my eating habits, which as I gained weight had started to slip little by little because it was kind of like "if I don't eat what I want, I am still going to gain weight, so who cares" attitude. I was 20 years old, 165 lbs, and I had PCOS.
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| Me on the left and my sister on the right, I was 22 in this picture, it was shortly before I got married. I fought and fought to get my weight down to 165 from 170 for my wedding. It included 1-2 hours of cardio/day. |
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| I am in the center (the blonde) right after my wedding in 2003, I was 165 pounds at this point. |
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| I am on the far right, this is just before I got pregnant in 2004. I was at about 175 pounds in this picture. |
The last 10 years have been full of ups and downs. The biggest UP was that beyond all expectations, I got pregnant the first month my husband and I tried and were blessed with a healthy baby girl!!! She is now 6 years old and our little miracle child and is the light of our lives. The two biggest downers are that we haven't been able to have another child and that my PCOS has gotten somewhat out of control in the past 4.5 years from us trying to conceive. I now weigh in at 200 pounds. I don't like how I look or how I feel but just last night I was sitting there, ready to cry, I thought about the young lady who was told 10 years ago that she had PCOS and how she had more fight in her than anyone could imagine. I need to get back a little of that mental toughness. So, here I am. I will live with PCOS on MY terms. I am not going to let it control me. And, through my trials and tribulations, I hope to help you learn to live with PCOS on YOUR terms.
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| Me and my daughter in Yellowstone last fall. I still maintain a very active healthy lifestyle, my body just doesn't perform to my prior expectations! My daughter keeps me going and keeps me energized! |
Please note: I am not a medical doctor nor am I an expert on PCOS nor do I pretend to be. Everything I write is from personal experience and based on my research. Please contact your doctor before you change your diet or exercise intensity or falter from your treatment program.
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