Finding Motivation Where You Least Expect It...

Something happened to me almost two months ago that really changed my life...and provided me with more motivation and drive than I have ever had.  I really want to share my experience because it has literally been life changing for me.

Fighting a silent but deadly disorder like PCOS can be heartbreaking, frustrating and depressing.  It is a constant battle.  A never ending battle.  A fight that will never go away.  At times it is easy to spiral downward and think that there is no end in sight, ever. 

It is super easy to get drawn into the negative.  I mean, really, as if the weight, fertility issues, heart disease and diabetes aren't enough, "PCOSers" have to fight unusual hair growth on the face, hair loss from the head, adult acne and any other amount of physical symptoms on a daily basis. 

Over the past two years I had spiraled into that negative state.  It started when my doctor retired and I quit taking as active of a stance with my PCOS.  Even looking in the mirror was frustrating---I felt like I was started to look masculine because of all the extra hormones running through my body.  Super frustrating and super depressing.

The first thing that happened is I found a new doctor---I can't stress enough how finding the right partner for your health can make all the difference in the world.  You must demand that your health care professional care about your health and wellbeing.  If you and your doctor aren't a good match or you aren't satisfied with how things are going, don't stop looking for a new doctor until you find the right person to help you with your PCOS.  Don't ever stop.

But secondly, as silly as this sounds, I was invited to an "Online Virtual Party".  You know, like Mary Kay parties or Pampered Chef parties, but it was all online.  The host was a dance mother from my daughter's dance studio---and at first I thought, "What the heck is this?"  The product being sold was Younique makeup (and this post isn't really to promote the makeup---but at the end I will share with you how to check it out!). 

Now this is the part that shocked me to my core---I am not vain, I am not self-focused and I am not a "girly girl".  I looked at the makeup, I looked at the pictures and I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Maybe if I would just take care of myself better, I would feel better?"  I have skin sensitivity so I was nervous trying the makeup out without samples but was convinced by the company guarantee to refund most of my money (less restocking fees/use fees/shipping) if it didn't work out for me.

So, I participated in the online party, made a purchase and found out I loved the makeup!  I loved it so much that I have since hosted my own online Younique Virtual Party and paid the $99 startup fee to sell the products.  I love it!

But more than that, once I started feeling a little better about how I looked, I found a new motivation to work to lose weight and strive to reach my goal of having another baby.  I went to another friend who sells Advocare nutritional systems and said, "I am ready to lose this weight."  (I will be doing a review of Advocare soon---stay tuned!)  I am currently down 13 pounds and have also motivated my husband into joining me to lose weight.  We both feel great.

The moral of this story isn't to sign up to sell makeup.  It also isn't that our own natural beauty isn't enough to motivate.  The moral of this is that sometimes we find motivation in the oddest places and never know where it is going to come from.  Not only do I feel beautiful again, but I have started my own business selling Younique and feel very passionate and positive about my future.  I feel again like I will succeed at anything I put my mind too.

So don't ever give up.  Sometimes you just need to look elsewhere for motivation to break free from a rut.  Or maybe just look in the mirror and see the true beauty in yourself and know that you are worth it!

~Christine

If you are interested in checking out my business with Younique, go to www.youniqueproducts.com/ChristineBaldwin or www.facebook.com/youniquebychristinebaldwin. 

Younique specializes in natural based mineral pigments and other natural based skin care products. I have personally used each and every product and would be glad you tell you more about them!  Younique is a growing business and I would love to share my opportunity for personal growth with you.

There Are Times That Things DO Go Right!

For the first time in years, my body feels normal.  I mean completely normal.  I feel A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!  Sharing this is so important to me because I know how bad it feels to wake up every morning more frustrated than the day before.

A couple years ago I wrote about my doctor retiring.  It literally sent me into a spiral as my new doctor just wasn't as aggressive with the PCOS as my body needed him to be.  After a few problems with the office staff and communication issues (not the doctor himself), I was super frustrated and went on the search for another new doctor.

I went about it differently than I had previously.  My end goal is to have another child---what do you need if you are a high risk pregnancy?  A perinatologist.  So, after talking with my sister for recommendations, I called the perinatologist's office that I had seen in another pregnancy.  I asked "Who would you recommend?"  I knew that if they made a recommendation it would be a doctor that was up on the most current research and understood the factors of high risk pregnancies.  Amazingly enough---they had just partnered with a NEW doctor who actually was practicing in their same office.

As I am making an appointment with the new doctor, the receptionist kept saying, "I really think you'll like the new doctor."  Really kind of as a broken record.  I kept thinking, "What is that about?" But then she said, "Oh yeah, we have a new office, it is in the old wing of the hospital."  She then proceeded to tell me that it was in my old, retired doctor's office.  It felt like karma.  It felt right and I hadn't even met the new doctor.

So, I made an appointment, had my records transferred and went to the new doctor.  Yikes.  It is scary seeing a new doctor---I went to so many doctors prior to being diagnosed with PCOS that I was nervous, frustrated and scared.  As we went in to the office, I see that receptionist is the same receptionist from my old, retired doctor.  Then and there I understood why she had said that I would like the new doctor---she knew me. 

I brought my mother and daughter with me to the appointment (yes, I was that nervous) and the first thing the nurse did as we went into the exam room was give me a hug and said she was sorry I had had problems at another office.  A hug.  Of course, I cried.  And she just hugged more. 

After taking down my information, she led me and my entourage to the new doctor's office, not an exam room, but his office.  There we sat down, hashed out a plan, talked about my problems and PCOS and what was not working for me.  And right there I knew.  I had hope for the first time in years that maybe someday my body might work right again.

So with that, I will say that the plan is working and for the first time in three, four, five years I truly feel great.  I am sleeping.  I am focused.  I feel like I am not starving.  It is absolutely amazing.  All the little things that my hormones had been messing with are finally coming to light. 

There is hope.  For all of you out there with PCOS, right now I can say from my heart that there is hope.  And don't ever give up.  Don't find any doctor, find YOUR doctor.  You will know.  It will all come together for you too. 

Does That Really Taste Good?

There is something I have been thinking a lot about lately as I fight my continuous battle with weight. Does food taste the same to all of us? I watch health food blogs and posts from my super fit friends on my Facebook page and think, "Do they really like that? Really? Hmmm...maybe I will try that recipe."

So then I try the recipe and GAG and think, "Do they really like the taste or do they just fake it? Does it taste different to them than it did to me?"

Or maybe there is something deeper than that? Maybe there is something in our genetic makeup that makes some foods more appealing than others? Could it be possible that those of us that do struggle with our weight actually taste something different than those that don't struggle thus making healthier choices unappealing?

We do know that struggling with weight, especially for those of us with PCOS, can often times be associated with insulin issues and carbohydrate "addiction" but do you think maybe it could actually be more than that, right down to our sense of taste?

The truth is that I like vegetables. I like fruit. I like healthy food. But, so many times the things that are supposed to be so flavorful or so tasty by other testimonials just don't taste good to me. Am I the only one that this happens to? Or am I just not determined enough to enjoy the new recipes? Or does it just go back to carbohydrate addiction?

Hmmm...I really don't know the answer, but it is something I am going to continue to ponder and to research. And, I will continue trying new, healthy recipes with an open mind and hopefully along the way figure out some new recipes that appeal to me AND help with my battle with PCOS!

Getting Back on the Bike...Again

My first goal of 2013 was to exercise at least 15 minutes a day.  That isn't much.  Literally, less than a minute for each hour I am awake.  I should be able to do that. 

Apparently not.  Today I realized it was January 5th and I hadn't exercised one minute in 2013.  I have literally sat around doing exactly what I despise: nothing.  I have done nothing for months.  I want to stop doing nothing, but have just continued...doing nothing.

So, today was the day.  The first step out of a million is the hardest they say, right?  I picked myself up off the couch and...procrastinated more.  I don't know why it takes so much to get motivated that first time when I go back to exercising.  Even I, a seasoned athlete and exercise freak, procrastinate.  I put on my exercise clothes, looked out the window to see what my husband was doing, got a bottle of water, put a load of clothes in the washer, played with an app on my iPhone, checked the dryer, put new batteries in my stationary bike, fed my fish, charged up my Kindle for entertainment, and THIRTY MINUTES LATER got to riding. 

Why did I put it off right up to the last minute?  Once I got on the bike I watched a minute, two minutes, five minutes...twenty minutes fly by as I was lost reading a book on my Kindle!  Just like that!  I ended with over 5.5 miles in an aerobic training program that does intervals in what seemed like seconds.  And I felt great afterwards, like always.

So why would I put it off?  I think I know the answer.

I am afraid of failing.  If I never start, I won't fail, right? 

Living with PCOS can feel constant failure.  Failure at losing weight, failure at having a baby, failure at eating correctly and so on.  So, at least in my mind, it is just easier to use it as an excuse rather than to try and fail.  I don't want to start exercising and just fall out of the habit and fail.

However if I procrastinate, ironically, in the end I lose AND I fail.  Doesn't make sense, does it?

PCOS is a life threatening disorder that takes constant vigilance to overcome.  PCOS sufferers cannot afford to take days off or to give in just this once, because our lives literally depend on continuing on and following through and fighting the good fight every day of our lives.  It is not fair.  But it is what we have to do. 

It is okay to fail, but you have to continue to pick yourself up and start over.  Get back on that bike.  Take that first step.  Close your eyes and just leap.  AND, it is amazing what happens once you take that first step, or ride that first ride, or make that first leap...wait for it...you feel better immediately!

So, if you are lacking motivation, try to get the courage up and know this---because you are willing to try means you aren't a failure.  I think we need to get in our heads that our only failure comes when we don't try at all.  If you continue trying, you are succeeding.

Keep fighting the fight and don't give up!




 

A New Year, New Goals...I'm Back!

For some reason I just stopped getting the inspirations for my blog about a year and a half ago---but I since realized it corresponded with other stresses in my life.  So my ultimate goal for the new year (2013!) is to focus on the basics and go back to a simpler life.  I have made some changes that should help with that...but wanted to write a quick note affirming this new dedication.  I will be doing a few weeks of review on this blog---mixed with some new posts, but then look for new content with new ways to motivate and fight against PCOS!  We don't ever need to battle alone...don't ever forget that!

Happy New Year!  Let's make it the best yet!

 

A Good Doctor = Happy Patient

I have been blessed during my nearly 12 years of being treated for PCOS.  After going to 5-6 doctors/specialists, my mother told her doctor the troubles that I had been having.  He told her to get me in immediately.  This is the same doctor that delivered me (and my sister) so we had a good family history with him.  I went to him and immediately he diagnosed me with PCOS.  He prepared me for the struggles I would face and immediately began to work out a plan for conception, even though I was only 19.  Now, after 12 years, he is retiring so he can become a full-time grandfather.  Good for him, bad for me.

From the first time I went to him, treatment was easy.  He made it easy.  He wasn't always a tender doctor and I have never really recommended him to a lot of people because he could definitely be difficult at times.  I can't even think of how to describe him other than kind of arrogant, kind of cocky and kind of a pig.  I would call him a "typical" male---which isn't always good for a person in the role of a doctor. 

But, as a doctor, he was perfect for me and my family. 

There are two things that throughout the years made his practice stand out from the other experts I had seen.  First, he always recommended that I research my treatment before committing to it.  He encouraged patient research and though he didn't always agree 100% with my conclusions, he generally didn't belittle the knowledge I gained on my own.  Secondly, and most importantly, he did something that we rarely see in this age of patient in, patient out service.  He cared.  Even in retirement, I know he will still care.  How rare is that?  From talking to my friends and family, it is something much more rare than it should be in the health profession.  He cared so deeply that my struggles became his, my triumphs he shared with me and my disappointments were his as well.  I am going to miss him.

When I got the letter that he was retiring, I literally began to sob.  Twelve years.  How do I go to a new doctor and explain the entire history?  I have a lot of baggage from over the years. 

He made many, many important medical decisions in my treatment that have turned out to be so major that I just don't know how to trust anyone else the same way.  He made a call to schedule a C-section for my daughter two weeks before she was due because she was breech, she was large and my body isn't necessarily made to birth easily.  Thank God he did as we would have ended up in an emergency C-section anyway---she decided to do gymnastics in my belly and had the cord around her neck three times.  He just kept saying, "Delivering naturally is not worth losing a baby or you."  He was right. 

On and on my history has been with him.  He worked out a plan for me to conceive for the nearly 5 years before I was ready to try.  He made the call on the C-section.  He moved Heaven & Earth to see me when I had my first miscarriage and had to have a surgical procedure afterwards.  He took a phone call at home on Sunday morning, personally, when I had my second miscarriage.  How many doctors give you their home phone number and EXPECT you to use it?  Again, he got me right in after the second miscarriage too for that same surgical procedure---essentially by rearranging the entire operating room schedule.  When I left his office last week for the last time, he gave me a hug that was no different than I would have gotten from my own father.  He cared.  He cares. 

So, now what?  He is recommending I see his surgical partner, and actually assisted with my C-section, who may not be quite as well versed on PCOS, but will follow the plan we came up with together .  But, what do I do when I go see the new doctor---how can I fit 12 years into one appointment?  I haven't ever really switched doctors before.  I don't like to admit it much, but I am scared.  I know there are other doctors, other GOOD doctors, out there, but I was spoiled.  I don't want to be a number.  I want a doctor who cares.

  This isn't supposed to be a negative post---I am feeling better now than I did a few weeks ago.  I just wanted to share my experience with a good doctor---one who took my health personally---so that everyone out there who has struggled finding a good one knows that they do exist.  Does your doctor care about you this way?  If not, I suggest you keep looking---there will be one out there that fits with your needs.  I just hope I strike it rich twice...so here goes the next step down the road for PCOS.

Picking Myself Up, Again and Again

The last few weeks have been a doozy for me.  Nothing bad in particular, I have just felt miserable, crappy and nasty.  I have been trying to figure out what the issue has been and of course, try to get over it.  My PCOS seems to be going berserk, my doctor decided to retire (I have been going to him for 12 years), I had bronchitis, I have had huge stress at work (I work as an accountant in the middle of a recession in the construction industry---you do the math), I have no energy and just have been exhausted.  To top it off, I can't sleep because I can't shut my mind off. 

For the past year, my PCOS has been on a roll like I have never seen before and I think I am hitting my breaking point.  I am sick of not feeling well.  I am sick of having to take a handful of medicine each day.  I am sick of cyst pain.  I am heavier than I have ever been.  I am just sick of it.  Everyone with a chronic disease feels this way at some time in their life.  I literally am just sick of PCOS.  I hate it. 

So, what am I going to do about it?  I could stay in bed and cry and feel sorry for myself because right now that is just what I want to do.  It would just be so much easier to give up, to stop caring.  I am just tired.

But, I won't do that.  If you have read my previous posts, you'll see most of the time I am a very optimistic, reach for the stars kind of person.  I have to get back to that point---because right now I am just cranky.  So, I will.  Tomorrow I am going to try to get up with a smile on my face.  I am going to beat this thing, I refuse to let it control me.  Stupid as it may sound, just saying that out loud can make a difference.  I am going to follow my own advice and start by making a list.  I will not let this get me down any longer.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I WILL find a new doctor that cares about me as much as the old, I WILL leave my stress at work, I WILL get enough sleep tomorrow night and I WILL beat my PCOS. 

The funny thing is, I feel better already...